Dear Guy Walking Behind Me,

Yes, you did just see me run into that hand rail along the path. I'm not drunk, or sleep walking... just very overwhelmed and under-rested. Let's both pretend it didn't happen and go about our miserable lives at college.

♥,

C.

Dear Professor,

Please do not ask me to print things out anymore. At first I will rebel completely. I mean, how dare you ask me to waste money on paper and ink, especially if I have already had to buy one book because the library let me down, and we will avoid talking about that $40 meditation pillow. But then I will realize (late the night before the day we will go over this in class) I probably won't be able to do well on the quiz if I am trying to read the .pdf instead of flipping through a hard copy. At this point, I secede from the rebellion and pull out my printer. The printer hates me, so she will rebel in her own way, eat my paper, leave spots everywhere, print the top of a page on the wrong sheet, etc, etc. Finally, it will just die. Of course, I won't give up right away. Instead, I will argue with the printer for hours, trying at first to gently coax it, then beating it to pieces. Now it is way past my bed time, and I'm upset. Upset with you for asking me to do this. So now I'm back to the rebellious stage. Meditate on this, lady: I am bringing my computer to class tomorrow as a copy of these crazy handouts!

♥,

C.

Special Edition: Note to Self

It's time to stop feeling like you have to touch everything you walk by. Though it's pretty harmless to feel how soft the pillows are in a home interior store, when you walk by a tree that looks nice enough to run your fingers through, you will be unable to resist. Unfortunately, this is a trap. You will end up with sticky sap all over your hand. You'll probably try to run your fingers through your hair shortly after, which will not only result in your hand getting tangled but also leave the grime in your locks. Speaking of locks, you will be very upset when you pick up your keys the next day, and they are still sappy.

♥,

C.

*If you enjoyed this special edition, read more "notes to self" (which are much funnier than this blog) here: 

Note to Self Lessons

Dear God,

Please clamp my mouth shut before I do any of the following things to other people:

• hurt feelings
• yell 
• explain how stupid they are
• punch in the hyoid
• muuuurder

Or worse... before they transfer me to the psych ward.

♥,

C.

Dear Super Awkward Guy in the Cafe,

Tell me how, exactly, you saw this conversation going any better before you approached this poor bystander?

Awkward Guy: Hey. How's it going?
Bystander Guy: Um.. good.
AG: You work with a friend of mine's wife.
BG: Okay..
AG: I can't remember her name right now.
:more awkward conversation:
AG: Well, okay I'll let you get back to whatever.
:walks back to this side of the cafe:

I have to thank you though. For reaffirming my decision to never approach strangers, even if I think they look familiar.


♥,
C.

Dear General Public,

College students really are poor. Sure, not all of them, but the large majority of the collegiate population can barely afford to eat a full meal and sleep comfortably at night. Neither of these would be possible if it were not already added into our tuition. So, when you ask me for money in the elevator of my workplace (a place where you should not be, anyway, let alone be there and be asking people to pay your "bus fare"), and I very nicely explain that I do not have any because I am a poor college kid, do not go off on a digression about rich kids you went to junior high with. It's free to go to public school, so of course people there have money. Here, on a college campus, every dime I make is somehow reciprocated back to Vanderbilt for my education. That means I won't be paying for your bus trip (real or not) because I can't even afford to eat! But maybe you should just enroll in college. Then, though you will still be as poor as you are now, you can ride the bus for free.

♥,

C.

PS Don't ever call me sweetheart. My grandfather was the only person allowed to use that sentiment, and I'm probably gonna punch the next person who says it. Consider yourself warned. :)