Dear Southern Gentlemen,

You keep holding open doors, I'll keep saying thank you, and we'll never move north. 

,

C.

Dear AN,

If there was an award for most annoying person on the internet, you'd definitely win. I would rather be surrounded by annoying kids and their creepy parents than reading your updates.

,

C.

Dear PG,

You recently wrote: Someday, you'll be reading my books.

Here is my response: No, I will not. Even if you managed to publish something in my genre instead of just documenting your ridiculous romance dreams, your grammar is ridiculous. I will never read anything you write... unless I need to make fun of someone to make myself feel better.

,

C.

Dear Coffee Lady,

I'm sorry that you're losing your job because the cafe closes for the summer, but it is not legit grounds to be so hateful. If it really bothers you that much, you should've got a job at Starbucks; they're open all year. I bet they would even let you work holidays, since you're so desperate. But wait... weren't you just complaining to me last week about having to work +60 hours at two jobs?

Nonetheless, you were my favorite coffee lady. You even got my routine down, knowing exactly what I would order and how to work my meal plan. Now, I hope they don't hire you back in the fall. You should seriously consider that Starbucks job.

,

C.

Dear Girl in My Class,

WHY are you staring at me?! I mean, really, it would probably be okay if you didn't have to turn completely around in your seat... but you do! It's so creepy! Please. Stop.

,

C.

Dear shoes,

It is not okay to squeak. Especially when you are walking by the Dean of Medicine!

,

C.

Dear AL,

It's not going to work out... You look too much like my ex.

,

C.