Dear Everyone Who Responds to My Emails,

When I send you an email, my name appears at the from/sender line. Just in case that isn't enough I also add my name to the bottom of the email to provide a personal touch. And for a professional grand finale, my emails are always finished with my physical work address and email (which includes my name), preceded by what? My first and last name. Every time I write my name or it is signed in an email from me, it is spelled correctly. How hard is it to glance down at it, or check the spelling in the "to" line to make sure it is correct when you respond to my messages?! I take personal offense. Sure, many people can not pronounce my name, but there are usually legit reasons (e.g. the person is illiterate, they know someone with a similar name pronounced slightly different, etc.), but there is no reason to misspell my name when it is written correctly several times in your message window! 

♥,

C.

Dear VU,

The celebrity dopplegängers are starting to be hazardous to my health. My heart stopped when I saw Wil Wheaton. I almost tripped when I passed Jared Rigsby at my dorm. But the icing on the cake was when I almost laughed myself to death because Robert De Niro cut me off at Branscomb.

,

C.

Dear Oak Ridge Citizens,

Please obey the traffic laws. Then the red light/speed enforcement cameras will stop being profitable, at which time I will listen to you whine about them. Until then, if you would like to be reminded that a red light = stop, I'd be happy to set up an appointment for you to meet my four year old. He also recognizes the number on the speed limit signs: 35. 

,

C.

Dear Southern Gentlemen,

You keep holding open doors, I'll keep saying thank you, and we'll never move north. 

,

C.

Dear AN,

If there was an award for most annoying person on the internet, you'd definitely win. I would rather be surrounded by annoying kids and their creepy parents than reading your updates.

,

C.

Dear PG,

You recently wrote: Someday, you'll be reading my books.

Here is my response: No, I will not. Even if you managed to publish something in my genre instead of just documenting your ridiculous romance dreams, your grammar is ridiculous. I will never read anything you write... unless I need to make fun of someone to make myself feel better.

,

C.

Dear Coffee Lady,

I'm sorry that you're losing your job because the cafe closes for the summer, but it is not legit grounds to be so hateful. If it really bothers you that much, you should've got a job at Starbucks; they're open all year. I bet they would even let you work holidays, since you're so desperate. But wait... weren't you just complaining to me last week about having to work +60 hours at two jobs?

Nonetheless, you were my favorite coffee lady. You even got my routine down, knowing exactly what I would order and how to work my meal plan. Now, I hope they don't hire you back in the fall. You should seriously consider that Starbucks job.

,

C.